Number 36

I am sitting here in my 'office' (the extra bedroom) typing this, while at the same time trying to sleep train my son.

Yes, my 2 year and two month old son (or more obnoxiously, my 26 month old) still requires us to lie in bed with him until he is asleep before we are free to live our lives past the hour of 7pm. Normally this job has been Andi's, as I was either pregnant and too tired, or nursing in the evenings. Well it has been my turn on and off in the past few months and I am just frustrated by the waste of time. I have so much to do and I feel like a hostage just starring at the wall for 30 minutes each night. Andi and I have wasted countless hours just waiting...more often then not, Andi falls asleep while waiting for Vin to fall asleep. So there goes any productive hours after Vin's bedtime. I keep hearing these legends of children who, after a fun bath, a sweet story, and a tender kiss goodnight, just drift off to sleep gently chatting or singing to themselves. I want this. I will have this. So tonight, the hostage situation ends.

There have been many battles in this war. In fact, he is standing in the doorway as I type this. He has gotten out of bed 27 times. Literally. This is number 28. Be right back...

Ok, back now. After staying with him for about 15 minutes tonight, I thought to myself, 'Self...what the hell are you doing? This is ridiculous. You are a hostage. It is time to claim your evenings back'. So, I squirmed out of his grasp and off his bed.

Number 29. Be right back...Ok. back now. Oh wait...number 30 and Number 31.

After I made my first attempt to leave the room, he of course started to cry. I gently explained to him that he has his cars, he has his dolls, he has his dinosaur pajamas and mommy and daddy are just next door, and that I was going to give him a kiss and let him fall asleep alone. He didn't cotton to that idea quite as much as I did.

Anyway, the first five tries he was screaming his head off. Then after about 15 times, he stopped crying but would still come out about 20 seconds after I left the room. Each time that I return him to bed I do not look him in the eye. I do not kiss him. I do not talk to him. I read somewhere that you have to make it as boring an interaction as possible to get them to stop preferring you to sleep.

Number 32.

I would simply put one finger on his shoulder and guide him back to his bedroom. Push open the door, urge him into his bed and cover him with his blanket. But he still came out. So then I stopped touching him on the shoulder, he would just turn and go back to bed on his own. Then I stopped pushing the door open for him, so that he would do that himself too. Then I stopped covering him up.

Number 33.

But he keeps returning.

At about number 13 he had stopped crying, but came out of his room stomping his feet. At number 22, he walked the entire distance from his bedroom to my office, on his knees. Then turned and walked the whole way back on his knees. Clearly this has some elements of a game to him.

Number 34.

...have I mentioned that I hate this? I am being as boring as possible, I swear. No eye contact. No talking. No scolding. No cuddles. Just plain, neutral, boring. He has got to prefer sleep to this 'game', right? But if it is a game...I must win! Number 35...dammit.