Friday perspective

Thank...

...ful

It is a strange time for us and for our neighbors here on the land by the Danube. We all purchased land not too long after one another and so much has happened from that time until now. Great things like little babies being born. I was pregnant with Vinny when we bought the land, and we moved into the house when little Elsie was two weeks old. Our neighbors to the South also had a child just two months before moving in. We were all starting out here together and everything looked so rosey, it seemed like we had the complete right to complain about  the series of frustrations and disappointments we all experienced moving into a new place. But when you put them into perspective, our complaints were embarassing indulgences. 

In November, just about five months after moving in, our neighbor to the South-East passed away suddenly due to complications with his cancer treatments. He was in his mid 30s and has a 6 month old baby boy. Right now, our next door neighbors are in Lebanon trying to get two of their sisters out of the war in Syria to come and live with them. I think they were supposed to be home by now, but they were unsure how long the interview process would take before they could bring them back here with them. 

Before November, I would look at all our unfinished house chores and get so angry at our foreman for the ever increasing list of mistakes with the house. I still catch myself getting caught up in such frivolities as finding the perfect hand towels or achieving an uber-clean refrigerator fruit drawer. Even as I type that I want to kick myself. Perfect hand towels...really? I have got to find a better way to spend my time. 

We are so lucky. Our house is warm and safe. Our fridge is full. We are healthy. They only thing I wish we had more of is a healthy dose of thankfulness. By a 'healthy' dose, I mean that being thankful is kind of a dual concept balancing between happy acceptance and laziness.

When I really take the time to think about the truly astounding number of reasons to be happy and thankful, I am paralyzed. There is no reason for me to strive for any more achievement (this is the lazy part of thankfulness I would like to avoid). But there is also no reason for me to ever feel as if I don't have all I 'deserve'. I literally have absolutely everything I need. Realistically, I have everything I could want. If you think of it that way, the only place to go from here is...well, down. Which is maybe why it is so difficult to live in an ever present fog of blissful thankfulness. Things will go down, they have to. But when they do, I want to be able to close my eyes and think back to this time when things were so deliciously good, and know that I took notice and I breathed.